it seems...

i've been different.. gosh the past sunday in church has been unreal.. unnatural for me.. i'd never expect to feel so.. weird? didn't know a few absent weeks would make me (for lack of a better word) weird.. it's surprisingly saddening and confusing how i'd just stop feeling comfortable with everyone.. like today for example, i felt crazy, nervous and absurdly anxious about sitting for my practical exam.. it was odd since i've not felt anything like it in ages.. first thing i thought of was calling some friends.. looked through my phonebook, and settled with... not calling anyone.. sigh, all of a sudden, it's not the thought of feeling better once i'd hear the other person's voice over the phone, it was more of, what if i was wrong.. wrong about calling you.. wrong about how our friendship was secure enough for me to bother you during lunchtime (an important time of the day).. wrong about me..

dont laugh at my fears.. they're all true..

doesn't help when you're missing that one person who understands you through and through but stays all the way in America..

i've completely lost it.. all i know for sure is that i terribly miss everyone to the point it hurts.. and... i have no idea what to do about it..