tell me, how not to love this two wonderful babes? ;)

how great His love

you know, i did something really horrible.. and now thinking back on it (actually it was just yesterday) i cant stop crying because it breaks my heart..

yesterday i made my parents worry because they didnt know where i was (i was in house 1).. i made them look and search every single room on every floor of wisma fga.. and then i made them frantic by not answering my phone (which was in my bag) it's not something i'm proud of to begin with.. i felt so guilty when i found out that i just couldnt stop crying.. i felt so bad, so terrible, so utterly inhumane.. i blamed myself and i knew i could forgive myself, but i just didnt want to.. i thought how could i make the two ppl who love me the most in the world, go through that.. do you know what runs through our parents' mind when they cant find us at the place we said we would? or if you dont pick up even after 13 missed calls? do you know that mothers (well my mother at least) cant sleep knowing that their child has not yet returned home, no matter how late?

recently i asked God to show me or rather enlightened me that i may understand what His love really was and what it meant when He said He loves us.. such a simple and basic thing and yet i felt i hadnt fully comprehend His great love even though i sing of it every sunday.. guess what? He showed me the most painful way exactly how much He loves us.. He showed me through my parents..

try closing your eyes and imagine this.. two parents, who love their children so much searching every room, every floor, frantically.. it's almost 1030, they were suppose to pick their beloved daughter thirty minuts ago, but wait.. she's not where she said she would be.. she had been out since 4.. a million gazillion things run through their minds.. where is she? where is she? their hearts beating fast, their tired after a full day's activities, but their mind is sharp just hoping to catch a glimpse of their child somewhere, anywhere would do.. their heart refusing to believe that anything should happen to their daughter.. i believe this would be a parent's worst nightmare.. i'm serious.. if you can imagine what it would be like.. then you would understand what i'm trying to say

you see, it was almost as if i put my parents through torture.. they dont wanna think about it but what if she's kidnapped? what if she's fainted somewhere? what if she's dying and no one's helping her? what if she's in the hospital? you might laugh when you read this but i honestly, with all my heart believe that these things run through their minds.. in this world where crime is abundant how can they not worry, plus the fact that it's already late...

God's love.. far exceeds that.. that's why the Shepherd went out to look for that one lost lamb.. that's why He continued searching even though He had cut His feet on sharp rock... that is why Jesus went through pain and suffering on the cross.. can you imagine how powerful a love like that? can you just stop and think about it for a second.. you know our brains compare things to what we have seen and what we know.. say the largest thing ever is the universe.. so would it make sense if i said God's love is more than that? i hadnt understood that fully back then.. but now i know He really loves us.. that there is no measure to His love.. for what can we measure it to? not even to the biggest thing existing...

my dad shouted at me all the way home.. i knew i deserved it.. in fact i condemned myself.. how could i? i just kept asking myself that.. he said some pretty bad things.. about yc, and about the pastors.. and i felt even worse.. it's kills me that because of my mistake i actually tarnished someone's reputation.. and it also hurt me that i had hurt my parents.. so i just felt like doing this.. but it doesnt make me feel any better.. the guilt that still grips me wont go away for a long time.. but the lesson i learned is most valuable by far.. at least now i can tell my cg members about God's great love without pretending that i know when i actually dont..

i truly wonder

there are days when i wonder,
if i were any different,
from those who turn a cold shoulder,
would i be patient and listen?
in this world where sin is an excuse,
it's more than difficult to choose,
and be the minority,
that believes in purity,
so easy to fall prey,
to the distractions that lay,
waiting to ensnare me,
no matter where i may flee

would i have gone the right way,
because i wanted to say,
"here i am to make a difference,
i want to care for my generation,
no more selfish reasons,
let my heart be full of compassion,
use me to lead the lost,
back into the warmth of Your embrace,
i give my life to this cause,
from right now, i'm gonna seek Your face.
may my life be a testimony,
of Your unfailing love,
your plans above my desires
i know it's gonna be tough,
but who says its impossible,
with You as my guiding star,
i know that when i stumble,
You'll lift me up to where you are."

my life isnt perfect,
my heart has been broken,
many times i forget,
that i'm never forsaken,
my tears have been bitter,
my feet have strayed,
far from the arms of my Maker,
though my debts, He had paid.
i wish i could comprehend,
the measure of Your mercy,
then maybe i'll understand,
how to love unconditionally.

two beautifully sung songs

"O Holy Night"


the voices are sooooo beautiful!!! and they sing so effortlessly..

"Somewhere Over the Rainbow"

hsm2 =)

i've watched high school musical 2 already! muahahhahah actually it's not bad.. WAAAAAY! way better than the first.. their singing has obviously gotten better =) how i watched it? well hahahha simple.. i went to clare's blog.. read that it came out already in USA so.. hahahahha i looked it up on veoh.. and i found it!!! so yeah dled it and now i'm kinda hooked on some of their songs =)

birthday shoutouts

i'm... sick.. yes sighhh!! ahhahaha but i'm getting better, praise God =)

anyways.. HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHONGXIAN!!
thank you for always listening to my endless nonsensical gabbing..
you've been a good president to cf =) and a good friend to me..
God bless!

alia, alia, alia HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY!
yes i still owe you KFC!

why do i always feel like i have to look happy even though i know i'm crying on the inside?

is it really fair? or unfair?

yes if you're dying to know... i'll be going for ns... i'm feeling abit depressed so if you wanna say "hahahaha too bad" or "wakaka sucker!" dont talk to me ok... coz i dont wanna hear that right now.. and if you're also gonna say "chill lar, it's only ns" no need! i've heard that line a million and one times.. dont need to hear for the one million and second time... yes stay away from that topic if you wanna speak to me...

ok la maybe i'm a bit to0 harsh.. actually, i know i'll probly have fun, given time mind you and that i'll reap benefits out of it, yes.. i have accepted that fact.. yet i dont wanna spend three months of my life in ns! i wanted to do so much! but now... i guess in a way it's God's way of saying that my plans arent always His plans... and i'll trust Him to bring me to the right camp.. at the right time..

i thank God too for my scouting experience.. though it's not exactly amazing but at least i feel a lil prepared.. anyways thanks to those who've cheered me up... i appreciate it!

those were the days... sigh

ahhh those fun scouting activities.. i miss em so much.. especially building gadgets.. what's gadgets you ask? here's a pic of one =)
yeap!!! that's a tower.. it's quite tall though it doesnt seem to look like it in the pic... our year built it for membership drive and i'm proud of it =)
caught candid
the committee!


this is of a different year... this year's membership drive
see how high up we are??!
with a good friend, alia... sigh those were the days man... i miss em now!
patrol camp!!



some more random pics =)
celebrating christmas!
the work of a bored student
when i was 14

ok la i'm off to watch project runway.... until thennnn